3/26/2007

Dear Lower Back...

Dear Lower Back,



As I sit here at 7:19 a.m., I can't help but to be pissed off, because once again you have let me down. Normal 22 year old people can lift sacks of kitty litter, but for some reason, you find it hilarious to give me the finger at the most inappropriate times.



I did not appreciate you popping, tearing, pulling, ripping, pinching or whatever you did yesterday while I had a 25 lbs. sack on my shoulder. I did not appreciate when you thought that it would be funny to join forces with my legs and brow-beat them into not working for a full 30 minutes. I do not appreciate you finding it humorous to cause me to lay in the fetal position in the middle of my garage floor and scream my head off in front of God and everyone. Lastly, I do not appreciate you making my mother come outside and pick me up off the ground.



In closing, it's obvious that you will not work right. Too many times you thought it would be cute in pulling a muscle here and there. But now, you have gone way too far. But I ultimately have the last laugh, because, Lower Back, I have pain pills from the time where you decided to go on vacation and leave my wisdom teeth in charge. Fuck you, asshole. I'm still walking.



Sincerely,

The Owner

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Saturday, I picked up a sack of kitty litter and pinched a nerve in my back. My legs gave out, and I hit the concrete floor. I laid in the floor for 30 minutes until I could finally get up to my hands and knees. I can't move; it hurts to walk, sit, stand or lay. It's been the most excruciating, breath-taking pain I've ever experienced, but there is no rest for the weary, because I have a newspaper to put out today.





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