Why do I do this to myself?

It's 12:56 a.m., and I'm sitting in the office for the second night in a row, pulling an all-nighter for the second night in a row. I am apparently glutton for punishment, because this would have all be avoided if I had just done everything in a reasonable amount of time and not procrastinated like I always do. Always.


My birthday has come and gone, and was pretty uneventful. Got a few practical gifts that were needed, but not really as glamorous as one would want on their birthday. One of my friends congratulated me on becoming one of the "old people" know at the ripe old age of 22. Birthdays have never been big for me, because I usually end up being disappointed or not having a good time.

I don't know what has made me want to update again, except that I'm procrastinating (once again) on studying for my Public Speaking final. I really want to make a good grade in there, but I don't know if it's possible. I've tried my best, but for some reason, my best wasn't good enough. I'm finding out more often here lately that I'm not as good as I once thought I was. I can't breeze through courses and work like I used to do. It's not that I abhor putting monumental amounts of effort into my work. However, it's frustrating as hell when I put in everything I got and can't even pull a mediocre B out of the class.

I just haven't felt all that wonderful lately. It's not physically, even though, the mental and emotional stress has certainly played a key role in the downward spiral of my immune system. I'm restless. I need a break or a vacation. It's like I've been running 90 miles an hour for the past 3 years, and I'm finally starting to run out of gas. I don't think it's senioritis, because I genuinely enjoy all my classes. It's not that I don't want to go to class. It's that I can't pull my ass out of bed to make forth the effort to get the class. The walk across the street to class everyday is suddenly getting longer and longer.

I have no energy at all. Physically and mentally I have no energy. It's not senioritis. I'm just extremely tired.

(Why is it that the last couple of updates I have posted have been leaning toward a pessimistic view? I swear that I'm not normally pessimistic. The foggy weather tonight almost requires it. That and hot chocolate, but pessimism and hot chocolate is an oxymoron, because you can't be sad when you have a cup full of chocolate and marshmallows.)